'De Amore,' a 12th-century French novella written by Andreas Capellanus lists twelve rules to follow in love. The second rule, 'Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest,' basically means that you should keep from getting so freaky in the bedroom that you alienate your partner. Also, don't whore yourself out around town behind her back, because that's pretty douchey and a betrayal of trust. Actually, at the time it might have meant to stay a virgin until you'd found the woman you love, and while that's still good advice today, I don't expect anyone to listen to it.
Let's start with the freaky bedroom antics: there's nothing wrong with a little kink, but there comes a point that you should be aware that, perhaps, your partner isn't as into it as you are. If you're trying something new, that's great, that's keeping things fresh, but you need to be sure that you're both completely comfortable with whatever you're doing before you continue. It might even be a good idea to have some sort of "safe word," depending on how intense your kink is, but when the other person indicates that things are going a little too far, or maybe just a little too quickly, for their comfort, it's important to be sure that you acknowledge their concerns and stop to talk things out.
If it's your lover that's interested in spicing things up, and you're not completely invested in the idea, then you should ask yourself why that is. You shouldn't be completely closed off to the idea of whatever game she wants to play, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be so passive about it that you can no longer even see your comfort zone. Obviously, if there's something you're really not comfortable doing, like inviting a third person into your bedroom, then you're free to say no.
For a lot of people, the idea of cheating and being faithful is a very muddied line, and, often times, the line is at a completely different place for two people in the same relationship. There was a time that one could date around, seeing more than one person at a time, while none were all too serious, and this was completely fine. There are also some who find this idea repulsive and demand a sense of faithfulness from the get-go, making sure that they're the one-and-only of whomever they've got their eye on.
This is where personal opinion gets in the way every time; I don't have a problem with a girl seeing other people in the beginning of our relationship. I, myself, can only really focus on one person at a time, so there would be no need for her to worry that I had a date scheduled with her on Wednesday and another scheduled with someone else on Thursday. If she chooses to play the field for a while to get to know these guys before she chooses me (she never chooses me) that's totally fine, I don't own her. It's at the point that you have 'the talk' to decide where the relationship is headed that you, in my opinion, start 'going steady.' It's one of those old-fashioned ideas where, once you're going steady, you give the girl a promise ring or...something, I dunno. I don't live in Leave it to Beaver, so I don't know how it's supposed to work, but after that point, should she continued seeing the other guys, that's when it would be considered cheating, as she's your steady and not his. Can't go steady with more than one person.
In our times, it's seems like more and more people are serial daters, focusing on one person at a time, and it's just assumed that everyone in the relationship is doing the same, but if you're in a dating situation that's gone on for more than half a year, if you're at a place that you can realistically call some sort of 'anniversary,' then it's kind of implied that you're not seeing anyone else.
Cheating is pretty much never okay. I'm sure there are circumstances that one could try to justify it, but let's just lay out a blanket rule stating that, if you're in a position to seriously break more than one heart, you're probably doing something ill-conceived. People usually cheat because they're unhappy, and if that's the case, if you notice yourself growing more and more attracted to someone outside your current relationship, then you owe it to yourself to break things off with your current. You can't mend your romance if you're on someone else's hook, and it would only plants doubts in the other person's mind if they thought that you were still thinking about someone else later still. Dumping someone you've been with for a while can be heart-wrenchingly difficult, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Find out if you and the random you've been eyeing have something between you; maybe you don't, and you'll have to go crawling back to your original love, but it's better to know than to wonder.
As for your virginity, who am I to tell you when to lose it, but let's be honest about something: you're probably going to regret your first time. Well, that's not totally true, but it's doubtful that it'll be any good. It's said that sex is better with someone you really love, and I'm not all too sure how true that is, but I do think it's more satisfying to wait for someone that you love.
Naturally, teenage love is messy and confusing, so you can be madly in love with someone on Monday morning and come to loathe them with everything in your being by Monday evening, so your hormones might tell you completely different things at any time of the day. That being said, you can't really know at that age whether you're really in love with someone or not, but it will certainly seem like real love and will convince you that you're ready for sex, and maybe you are, but just make sure you're having sex for the right reasons and not just because you've got the opportunity to have it or because you're bored and have an attractive friend. If you don't feel completely comfortable with the person, then you're probably not ready, but don't hold off just because you're not sure if it's 'really-real love,' because you don't want to let yourself get frigid, either.
Basically, use your better judgement, if you're seriously looking to me to tell you when you can have sex then you clearly haven't read any of my other entries, because I live in romantic ruin.
No comments:
Post a Comment