Chivalry: Mercy

Of the seven knightly virtues, according to Scott Farrell, mercy is the third, though I'm not sure that they're written in any particular order. Farrell took the common themes found in descriptions of knightly virtues to come up with the concept of what chivalry would have meant back in the day of knights in shining armour and how it could be applied to the modern man of today.

Mercy can present itself in a number of ways: goodwill (giving to those in need without expecting anything in return), defense (of those you love against those who would hurt them), tenderness (allowing other's to have their way out of love for them), et cetera.

In medieval times, the role of the knight in shining armour was keeping the peace, which meant that there was a great deal of time spent in the community creating a sense of harmony among the masses. They were meant to fight the oppressive forces that would attack from the outside, but were to act as neighbours and protectors to those inside. Dealing with people means exercising mercy in communications in order to quell any antagonism that might arise.

In modern times, the greatest weapons at our enemies' disposal are their scathing words and exclusionary actions. It's often quite difficult to act in any way chivalrous when you're on the receiving end of another's barbed insults, but the important thing is not to act on your impulse to respond in kind.

Another aspect of mercy is the willingness to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. If you run into someone who is being harassed, it can be an important, character-building moment to stop and assess the situation long enough to find out whether or not to step in. Should you decide to step in, taking mercy upon the victim, it's just as important not to come to blows with the person you're trying to separate them from.

In your relationships, be they romantic or friendly in nature, it's important to be willing to defend her against attacks that may come her way, not always physical attacks, but emotional and verbal as well. Mercy comes, in part, from empathy, which then lends itself to sympathy; if you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes, and treat others as you would have them treat you, then you're likely not the chivalrous type.

It should be noted that there's a difference between defending someone out of mercy and doing so out of anger, which seems like it should be obvious already. Defending someone you love because you can picture yourself in the her place will help you to comfort her when all is said and done; if you're able to empathise with her pain as though it's your own, you'll have a greater understand of what she's feeling and what you can do to make her feel better. If you're defending her because she's the one you love, without having any grasp on what she's feeling, then you're doing so out of anger towards the guilty party, and this is the wrong reason. That's not to say that you should just let bad things happen because you don't understand why it's so upsetting to your girlfriend, because...let's be honest, then you'd never do anything for her (am I right, fellas?). I'm just saying you should use your words to diffuse the situation and not your fists to punch a dude in the throat because he made your girlfriend cry.

And then come the occasions where you need to use mercy with your significant other in the everyday roles that you play with one another. There's probably a habit that you have that drives your significant other off the wall, and, as a habit, it's going to be difficult to change, but not impossible. For example, if he leaves his socks on the floor, she's going to complain about it. The unmerciful man will ignore this complaint until it becomes background noise, after which he will never really hear it again. The merciful man will try to make himself aware of every time he's told to pick them up, and then actually pick them up. Picking them up after being told to will become the habit rather than ignoring the wife, and, eventually, he'll drop the socks on the floor, imagine that he's been told to pick them up, and pick them up without actually being told to. If there's any mercy in the world, he will come to the day that he just stops dropping them entirely.

It's easy to raise your voice in an argument, even an unimportant one, but much better for all parties involved to remain calm in tone. Showing mercy can take form through the willingness to hear the other side of the story, the ability to understand your opponent's point of view and collaborate to come to a solution. Don't be so pig-headed that you're unable to see passed your own nose, because nothing will be solved that way.

I think that part of what made mercy one of the knightly virtues is that knights were in a position to give when most people of the time were hard-done by and unable to give of themselves; it was a tool to help the people of their city, but had the added effect of raising them up above the common folk. As for today, mercy helps to soften you in a way that makes you, while not necessarily a better person, something of a kinder person. The more merciful one acts in practice, the easier it becomes to do so without cognisance.