Shoulder to Cry On

I don't know what it is about me that makes people treat me like their diary, but despite my stoicism and rampant sarcasm, people seem to open up to me. It's possible that they think I'm internally judging them (which is rarely the case) and they're simply attempting to humanize themselves in my eyes in an effort to gain my approval. Whatever it is, I usually can't make people shut up, so I'm often the first person that everyone comes to when they need to vent or when they have something they need to get off their chest and don't feel comfortable bringing to anyone else. And sometimes it's uncomfortable.

Dopplebänger

It's not often that I'm the one being pursued, but every now and then there will appear in my life a woman so insanely taken with my charms that she just can't help but throw herself at me. This creates a kind of...dissonance for me, because, while I prefer to be the one being chased (and, really, who doesn't?), I can't bring myself to actually date anyone that would demean themselves the way that these women do while trying to court me. It's a matter of subtlety, I suppose, or maybe the women that find themselves attracted to me are just insane. Actually, the insanity would explain the attraction, so I think we've found our answer.