Guest: It was Complicated

I entered into an open relationship when I was fourteen, and it was pretty much doomed from the beginning. In all honestly, I think it would be a terribly difficult thing to do even for some well-seasoned adults, let alone, tweens entering their first relationships ever. I was never privy to the exact workings of how the concept was formulated, I only recall being informed that there it was.

I regret my rash decision in entering into this open dating as it really caused more grief then it was worth. I did like the boy enough, but I think I failed to comprehend the whole situation. Truthfully at the time I felt very confused as to why this had happened but figured I'd try anyways. He would be my first boyfriend ever and I was scared that if I didn't try, maybe no one would ever like me enough to date me.

I remember feeling very conflicted, did he actually like me? What did this all mean? How was this going to work? If the whole mess wasn't complex enough, while the boy had asked me out, the girl had chosen to date our oldest friend who is female. It was just a big pile of awkward.

The boy and I would hang out at school, and I think our first date was to the movies. I was fluttery. It wasn't until the weeks later that I began to realize how terrible the whole situation was. My sensual friend and my oldest friend would barely even speak to me. Most of my other friends didn't know what to make of the mess, but they kept their distance all the same.

It wasn't just the situation that would lead to our inevitable break up. I was becoming increasingly aware of how different our backgrounds were. His family had a beautiful old but well loved ranch styled home, his mother was on the school board and his father worked for a major drilling company. His sister was a talented pianist. Even their dogs were the happiest things you could imagine.

My family currently lived in what would amount to a hastily constructed shack in the boonies. We never sat down to dinner as we never had a dining room table. My mother worked odd jobs and my unemployed step father was a constantly violent and controlling man, he often hit and choked my mother and verbally abused me and my brother. He kicked the shit out of his dogs and smashed more dishes, telephones and furniture then I can count.

I digress, but I guess I'm trying to say that to me, the boy lived in absolute Heaven. His family was a REAL family, like something out of a dream.

I remember very vividly when I came to the realization that he and I could not possibly be together -- I had been invited over for the first time for dinner with his entire family; Mom, Dad, Little Sister and even his sweet Grandmother. The meal was laid out beautifully. There were place settings and cloth napkins. Bread rolls, salad and barbecued chicken his father had done on their outdoor grill. They entertained pleasant conversation, and asked me what my mother did and over the course of dinner I slowly began to lose it. It was so different from what I was used to.

How could we possibly work out? He would never like me if he knew what my life was like. I was in agony, sitting silently at this dinner table desperately trying not to hyperventilate. I went home and cried myself into a heartbroken stupor.

I think the boy must have known something was up, as he spent the next few weeks walking me to class and giving me little kisses. It was sweet, but it only reinforced in my mind that I couldn't be the kind of girlfriend he expected me to be.

I think at this point the open relationship had been dissolved. I do remember that the boy broke it off with the girl at one point but I cannot recall exactly when it happened. There was anger and resentment towards me, which also added to my difficulties. I was upset, I felt that my emotions had been used against me and then my own friends had turned on me because I had agreed to their terms.

I would eventually break up with the boy in the most pathetic manner over the phone. I wish I could have told him that I wasn't rejecting him, but that I was trying to protect myself in the only manner I knew how, by distancing myself and hiding my problems.

The boy would eventually go on to marry a beautiful girl and I'm very sure they will live happily with adorable babies and silly happy dogs, I really do hope so anyways.