To-Do: Learn to Listen

Listening isn't all about having the other person talk constantly while you nod along, that's very passive and not incredibly enjoyable for either party. On a date one should be actively listening, which involves giving feedback on what's being said to you and participating in the conversation. If you just let your date babble on incessantly while you bobble your head like an idiot, then they won't be answering the phone when you call; they can talk to dead air without your help.

It's not that you need to interview whoever you're speaking with, because that's almost as bad. If you make them feel like you're badgering them for information, they might start to wonder if there's any possibility that you're an undercover cop doing a background check on them. That's probably not sexy.

You also don't need to retain absolutely every detail of the things that they say, because then you'll be in a constant loop of taking and checking notes regarding their childhood, likes and dislikes, et cetera.

The more that you listen to whatever's being said to you, the more you'll have to contribute to the conversation. Of course, if you choose to let it be a completely one-sided affair by listening only and saying absolutely nothing, then perhaps you're listening far too hard for your own good, in which case you should learn to speak up.

If you find yourself with nothing to say in the conversation, you can always just admit that you know very little about the subject at hand. This will give your conversational partner a reason to continue speaking, as they can now inform you about something that you didn't know before, and you can continue listening. There's no shame in not knowing something, but there is in pretending that you do know and then having to admit, later on, that you were lying (most often this becomes clear due to the random statements of false facts that you end up putting in the conversation).

No one really likes going through their life having people only pretending to listen to them. If I wanted to just ramble on to no one then I would have started talking to myself a long time ago.

There's also a great deal of listening that has to be done while you're the speaker. That is to say that, while you're speaking, you need to be aware of the body language of whomever you're speaking to so that you can gauge whether what you're saying is landing with the appropriate reaction that you're aiming for. If their stance is closed off, or their eyes are glazing over, it's probably time to change the subject, because they're clearly not interested in what you have to say on the subject.

On the flip side, there's a good amount of body language to be noticed in the speaker as well. The oral word isn't the whole of the story being told, especially noticeable in my Italian friend's stories, as she speaks with great emphasis on her hand motions. A great deal of subtext can be gathered from the body language of the speaker, as they will, intentionally or not, reveal much of how they really feel about a subject through their stance and expression. So, really, you should be learning to look and listen, or, more concisely, learn to be more observant.