01. SHOULD I LET HIM KNOW I NOTICED HIM? - Gretchen
"I'm 16 and I like a guy who's about 18. I think he likes me too, 'cause I always catch him staring at me at school, but he never says anything to me. This has been going on all year long but I'm too shy to say anything.
"I'm only interested because I seem to have caught his eye first. Should I just go up to him and say 'I noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you, too?' What do I do?! This is his last year at my school..."
Gretchen,
My main gripe with your issue is that you're, admittedly, only interested in him because you think he's interested in you. What does that really say about what you're looking for? At first I thought it was a little egotistical, as if you thought you would be doing him a favour by acknowledging him, but I wonder if you might have some issues with low self-esteem.
I think it would be best if you let him come to you. When you notice him looking at you, shoot him a smile, let him introduce himself to you. If you're really so determined to figure out what his steeze is, ask around for people that might know him, find out what he's like as a person. Don't just throw yourself at him because you think he'll be an easy catch.
If he comes to you and asks you out, that's great, go for it, but don't try to base a relationship on the fact that he might like you. That's setting yourself up for potential failure, as you're building up his feelings for you before even learning his name. Good luck to you.
02. DOES SHE LOVE ME? - Henry
"So my friend and I were texting today, and I let it slip that I truly love her. Anyway, we normally mess around and flirt, but we 'imply' that we aren't serious.
"Today I decided to tell her the truth. I told her that I'm caught between loving her as a friend or as something more. She replied in disbelief, asking if I was serious. THEN I happened to break down and tell her that I didn't want us to ever become anything less than friends and ended up dismissing the whole idea of it (and pretended I never said it).
"However, she replied with things like 'no, you're not stupid' (I was saying I was stupid for thinking of something more) and more positive comments. She didn't tell me her opinion, as if she was afraid to.
"So here's the question: does she love me too?"
Henry,
I think that your confusion is stemming from her confusion. It seems clear to me that she has similar feelings for you that you do for her, but she's been left with the impression that your profession of love wasn't completely genuine.
I'm pretty sure she would have responded in kind if you hadn't pretended that you hadn't said anything and gone on to dismiss the idea of a deeper relationship between the two of you as implausible.
Tell her again, and stick to your guns.
03. SHOULD I BREAK UP WITH HIM? - Irina
"My boyfriend has been my best friend for years. He's a sensitive, emotional mama's boy, but he's been there with me through almost everything...including the bitter-sweet never-ending story of me and my first love, which is also one of his best friends...
"I haven't seen my ex for months, and its been more than a year since we were together, but honestly I think about him everyday. I've even been having dreams about him almost every week for the past month or so. Whenever I see his picture or see his name or get his text I literally light up and it's so obvious that I'm trying to hide it and I don't feel that way with my boyfriend.
"I want to break up with him, but I don't want to lose my best friend or hurt him, because they both have really strong feelings for me."
Irina,
I think that staying with your boyfriend under your circumstances would be unfair to him and to your relationship. I wouldn't suggest revealing the situation, in its entirety, to your boyfriend, because that could cause problems between the two of you as well as he and his friend, but I do think that you should try to talk things through a little bit.
Maybe let him know that you'll need some time to yourself to sort things out about who you are outside of your relationship. It sounds as though he acted as the rebound when you broke off your previous relationship, so it might be best to sort out your feelings for both of the men in your life before trying to continue with either of them.
Granted, should you decide that you and your current boyfriend are better off as friends, your might not be able to parlay that into dating his best friend again, so you might want to consider dating someone outside of your boyfriend's immediate circle of friends.
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