Can't Buy Me Love

Ronald Miller (Patrick Dempsey) is a high school nerd who manages to convince Cindy Mancini (Amanda Peterson) to prostitute herself to him for a month, but never once manages to get laid out of the situation. Someone's doing it wrong.

Awkward Leading the Awkward

I have a tendency to attract strange women, angry women, and insane women, but it's not often that the woman I've attracted is a mixture of all three with a large dose of negativity added into the mix. If you've ever seen Debbie Downer, a Saturday Night Live character performed by Rachel Dratch, then you've got a vague idea of what Angela was like, but to get the full picture, you would need to mate Debbie Downer with Freddie Krueger. With that mixture, you've got half the crazy that Angela turned out to be.

I Think I Should Like You

When I was going through elementary school, my classmates were composed of the same group of kids from preschool through the ninth grade. And when some of the boys started developing earlier than others, in a hormonal sense rather than a physical one, it became clear to me that I would have to either go along with the crowd to avoid being ostracized, or just be myself. Even at such a young age, I knew that being myself would get me nowhere, so I tried my best to act like everyone else.

To-Do: Femergency Kit

Sometimes, especially in the earlier days of your relationship, your girlfriend will forget some of the 'necessities' when she spends the night. Personally, I like to be prepared for any eventuality, and, based on the presumption that she will, one day, find herself crashing with you overnight, I like to make sure that she finds herself missing nothing. And if it's really the thought that counts, then this one should get you quite a few points.

This is Why I'm Single

There are some days that I get kind of lonely, and I wonder why I can't get myself together enough to earn the love and respect of a woman. Then there are the days that I'm just so horribly wrong in every way that I realize I'm alone for a myriad of reasons, all of which are my own doing. This is the story of when my friend Jess helped me to realize that I was a terrible, terrible date, and I should probably come to terms with the fact that I will die alone.

Getting the Go-Ahead

As you should all know by now, I'm very socially awkward, so it's always astonishing to me when I meet someone that's even more incapable of social interaction than I am. I'm not sure if it's me that feels an unconscious need to befriend these kindred spirits, or if it's them who recognize their own failings in me, but I inevitably end up being drawn into their social circle, often times against my own will.

To-Don't: Be Rude to Staff

There's a good possibility that this bothers me because I've worked in retail for a span of six years, or maybe it's the hardships of my two shifts in the food service that still haunt me, but, really...be kind to the people serving you. Seriously.