...Just Don't Embarass Me

Through the years I've grown accustomed to people not wanting to be seen with me, around me, near me, or just in proximity of me. Sometimes this attitude appears in people that I know well and like, which is far more unfortunate than when it presents itself in strange women that I care nothing for. But this story is about a day spent at Playland among a group of girls that I didn't know very well, and one that I did. Considering our past, I probably should have had a better idea of what I was getting into.

Do I Truth or Do I Dare?

There are times in life when you just have to psych yourself up and find the courage to tell a girl that you like her. Then there are other times, if you're like me, that you're willing to just throw your pride under a bus in order to avoid having your heart crushed. Why my parents ever let me out of my cage I will never know.

Dummy

Steven Schoichet (Adrien Brody) is, possibly, even more socially-retarded than I am, and the only way he manages to overcome his anxiety is by living vicariously through...his ventriloquist dummy. Steven falls head-over-heels in love with Lorena Fanchetti (Vera Farmiga), but finds himself only able to interact with her through his nameless dummy.

Anything For a Blonde

I have proven myself to be a very obstinate person, to the point that, even after someone's convinced me that I'm wrong or that I should participate in whatever they've been trying to get me into, I will continue on with my refusal out of my sheer unwillingness to admit that I might not have been completely right. But now matter how pig-headed I can be, there's always one thing that's able to break through my idiocy and make me give in: a magnificent mane of blonde hair.

The Angel of Death

When I first met Angela, she spoke only in nonsense words, and I think that I might have been better off if things had just stayed that way. Instead, I helped her break out of her shell and begin to talk in human-speak, which lead to me seeing just how incredibly negative someone could be. When I pick up my phone and say "hello?" the correct response is not "MY HAMSTER DIED."

To-Do: Learn to Listen

Listening isn't all about having the other person talk constantly while you nod along, that's very passive and not incredibly enjoyable for either party. On a date one should be actively listening, which involves giving feedback on what's being said to you and participating in the conversation. If you just let your date babble on incessantly while you bobble your head like an idiot, then they won't be answering the phone when you call; they can talk to dead air without your help.

Comic Book Store Domesticity

Though it felt like I worked at the comic book store for many years, in actuality I was only there for eleven months. Those eleven months were the most eye-opening days of my life, where I learned to deal with a terrible boss, a terrible wage, and a complete lack of both employment benefits and social interaction. Every so often a woman would wander into the store, though it was usually at the behest of their nerdy boyfriends. And then I got a surprise.